I'm a lazy man, easily bored, easily distracted.  Oh look, there's a butterfly.

To save me the effort of answering the reams and reams of unsolicited mail from adoring fans all over the world (more than 6 letters this year!), I've generously compiled a list of frequently asked questions, and answered them with all due seriousness as befits your serious questions (A). 

In order to appease my somewhat broken personality, I've also taken the liberty of answering the questions the way I'd really like to (S).

Are you influenced by any other artists?

A: Art-wise, I like Renoir and Picasso.  Several Manga artists have also influenced my works.  Verse - the songwriter Jim Steinman has definitely touched me a lot.  Not physically.  Favourite writers are Wilbur Smith and Robert Ludlum.  Most influential novels in my formative years were "Firebrand" by Marion Zimmer Bradley and "Woman of Substance" by Barbara Taylor Bradford.  Favourite poets are the Australian bush poets of old - Henry Lawson, Banjo Patterson et al.

S. The guy who draws the Kellogg's characters on cereal boxes. 

Some of your stuff is really deep.  Is it inspired by life experience?

A: Some.  I don't believe that the cause of art should influence the viewer's opinion of the piece.  Equally, I cringe when people think that they know me just because they've applied their narrow interpretation to my work.  Hence, I rarely explain the catalyst for creating a particular piece.

S: That's like saying "Van Gogh is wonderful because he cut off his ear - He was so tortured so that means his art is great."  No, that just means the guy was a dickhead with a thing for potatoes and razor blades.  Give me a fucking break.

You don't seem to mind swearing in some of your writing.  Aren't you concerned that this might offend some people or adversely affect children?

A: Each of my intro pages carries a warning that the content may disturb some readers.  I swear in certain pieces as a means of conveying either an informal atmosphere or to emphasise an emotion of the moment.  Much like people do in real life.  You'll find that in the entire "Kingdom" epic, the strongest curse used is 'damn', but in a fun narrative like "Baby Seals and Hard Drives", swearing is vital.

S: Why are wowsers and children on my fucking website?  BECAUSE THEY GOOGLED THE IMAGES STUPID!  DADDY SENT THE KIDS TO BED, DOWNLOADED A HEAP OF PORN FROM BIGTITS.COM THEN FORGOT TO TURN ON NET-NANNY!  Anyway, face it dude, 12 year olds nowadays are already having unprotected sex with strangers to pay for their crack habits.  I'm a virgin compared to those little shits.

You take a few shots at religion.  Are you an atheist?

A: I am.  More importantly, I don't like the effects of organised religion.  Many people would call my stance a cliché, but it's true nonetheless.  Religion is an easy cop-out for people who want to blame everyone else for the state of the world.  It's legalised gang rape of those who don't believe.  Another cliché perhaps, but I believe in universal energy.  Do your best by others and be generous with no agenda, and you'll find the world looks after you.

S: No, I'm just not into badly written fiction.  I mean, look how many times they've rewritten the bible and it's still a pile of plot-less crap.

Then it's true that you're the bastard son of Satan?

A: Believe what you will.
S: Idiot, if God's fictional, Satan is too.

Cynicism is easy.  Do you believe in anything?

A: Pure love.  Honour.  Read "Bungundarra" and "Second Son of Arasti".
S: Ditto. 

You draw a lot of nude and semi nude guys.  Is this some sort of fixation?

A: I like the nude male form, and I like to depict romance.  It's not about being straight or gay or any of the other stereotypes people like to use.  I also like drawing the female form but no-one seems to ask me about that.

S: Are you fucking mad?  I'm a poof!  Of course it's a fixation!

Media reports said that you dressed up as Santa Claus and did a strip routine to Abba's "Bring Me a Man After Midnight" in a notorious Brisbane night club.

A: Rumours, rumours, rumours.  The price of fame, I'm afraid.

S: Well, technically no.  When one actually IS Santa Claus, one doesn't have to dress up.  Anyway, that was my twin brother.  Let's call him ... Ralph.

In "Kingdom" and "Symbiosis", you touch on racism then sweep it away. Why?

A: Because I'm emphasising its irrelevance.  I don't make an issue out of being this race or that because it's no different to someone having green eyes or blue.  We are all the same despite the redneck hype. 

S: All racists have small misshapen penises and have sex with their Rottweilers.

But there are cultural differences between races.  Don't you think those differences are the ultimate cause of racism?

A: No, humans need to intimidate minorities - that's just the way we are.  The Chinese have been in Australia since the late 1700's.  We still call them "slopes".  Aborigines have been here 40,000 years, yet have some of the lowest living standards in the world.  Don't forget that courtesy of Robert Menzies in the 1950's, we almost had the White Australia Policy - our own home-grown version of Apartheid.  Just recently, the government was whinging about the amount of Asians coming into the country.  Cultural differences don't cause racism - majorities do.  In "developed" countries, usually those majorities are white. 

S: Yes.  Cultural differences do cause racism.  And sexism.  And homophobia.  In fact, some cultures work damn hard to oppress such intolerable vermin as working women, gays, and blacks.  Cultures like Australia.

Where do you stand politically?

A: I don't get into politics.

S: Greens of course.  After all, I am a gay environmentalist who enjoys the rare joint, and frankly, Bob Brown is the best politician this country's seen since Curtin.  Then again, I sometimes lean towards Liberal, but only coz I'm rich.  God I hope one of Johnny's daughters is a closet lesbian. With a black girlfriend.  A Muslim black refugee girlfriend called Fatima.  With an Afghani mother and West Timorese father who can't speak English.  And vote Labor.

In reality, are you just a sad old fart who sits at home writing and painting because he has no social skills whatsoever?

A: Being a recluse, does not a sad old fart maketh.
S: I pay for sex so I don't need social skills.  Just joking.  No, really.